I find that there are times in my life that I want to just take off, just let my rubber hit the pavement--my foot on the gas--and just go. It's not a matter of trying to escape from myself. I know, from trying too many times and reading too many books, that escaping from myself is neither possible nor desirable. Rather, I want to leave all of this to find myself yet again. With time there accumulates a certain silt, and it sits like a fine powder on my sense of self until my identity is a bit harder to see, a bit dusty. I'm heading out into the desert to clear away that dust.
It's been one hell of a year. Many relationships have been built; some have been torn down; some have risen from the ashes like the phoenix only to inch back toward the fire. While these relationships with others have brought me an immense amount of joy and my fair share of pain, I know that the most important relationship I have is with myself. I am only accountable, at the end of it all, to me.
And it is for this reason that I leave, every so often, to cleanse myself, to gain some perspective on who I am and what I want.
All I want now is you.
Why can't I have you?
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I wish I could do that...
ReplyDeleteJust get up and leave one day to go find myself. I'm feeling more and more lost lately, because I'm consciously trying to be someone that I'm not.
Sometimes, trying to change yourself is a good thing. But my case, it's a misled attempt.
I know this.
But I can't bring myself to stop yet. And I'm starting to worry me.
Any advice?
Maria... we are going into the period of our lives where we attempt to find ourselves, over and over and over and over again. it will take a while to find yourself and with every failure you are a little closer to yourself cause at least with that failure, you know who you are not.
ReplyDeleteOr at least that is what i believe.
hehe. let's have fun trying to find ourselves in these next few years, and hopefully they will lead to something.